Newspaper article about pretzel guy....

Just a hair of sarcasm in apology to customer

Terry Bibo
NEWS COLUMNIST
Sunday, March 16, 2008

About a month ago, Melissa Brooks visited Auntie Anne's Pretzels in Northwoods Mall. She found a long black hair baked into her pretzel, so she dropped a comment card to the corporate headquarters in Pennsylvania. The corporate office sent her complaint back to "Larry" at the local store.

"Ms. Brooks," he responded via e-mail last month. "I got your comment card. I was aghast at the extent of your horrification and likewise impressed by your use of the all caps function to communicate your message. I am in need of your help to ferret out this evil-minded culprit and put an end to this ghastly problem."

He said the hair Melissa found was "undoubtedly planted by some devious saboteur" because the two people working at the store that day didn't have long black hair.

"Did you see anybody with a secreted supply of long black hair hanging around the store?" he asked. "I certainly hope I can get your help because I can sense the devastation that you experienced and want to do everything possible to keep this from happening to another innocent and unsuspecting customer."

Then he cut to the chase. He said if she wanted to be taken seriously she shouldn't write an "over-the-top" comment card. He figures she's just fishing for free products.

"You will be receiving some free pretzel coupons by mail. Enjoy them with my compliments," he concluded. "By the way, hair is not a transmitter of disease according to the Peoria County Health Department. So while it is not appetizing, it is not hazardous to your health."

Well. That redefines customer service, doesn't it?

"I understand that a hair in a pretzel can happen," Melissa said recently. "The response is what really set me off!"

So I e-mailed Larry.

"Ms. Brooks has been apologized to," he replied. "If you want info, then you need to identify yourself and your agenda. Or should I inquire at the (news)paper to find out why I am getting an e-mail that has the veiled threat of bad publicity for my business."

Well again. My e-mails generally have my name at the top, but maybe that wasn't clear enough. So I e-mailed Larry back, told him my agenda is to write stories and that he sounds like he might be one. I offered him the phone numbers for three Journal Star editors.

He shot back an e-mail that he had apologized to Melissa and considers the matter resolved.

She doesn't.

"If I did something like that, I'd be fired," she said.

He probably won't be. According to a couple of different sources, including the corporate office, Larry Goetz owns the joint. He won't confirm the spelling of his name or his ownership.

"What do you mean by 'owner'?" he said in a phone interview Thursday. "I've owned a lot of cars in my life."

He said he's sorry, he used poor judgment and he didn't reflect Auntie Anne's business philosophies.

"Offense taken. Apology given. Matter closed," he said. "End of story."

That depends on Melissa. She never got the coupons he promised, but doesn't care since she won't go back to his store. She did contact the corporate office again and was pleased with its response. She already has visited other franchises.

"We do have 950 stores worldwide," company spokeswoman Valerie Kinney said. "She has her options."

Kinney said Larry Goetz is actually a great guy who "understands he needs to improve his communications skills."

For starters, he might reconsider telling anyone that hair in food is not a problem.

"Yes, it is a problem," said Dorothy David, assistant director of environmental health at the Peoria City/County Health Department.

"She can call our health department and make an official complaint. We will send an inspector out to investigate."

She probably will.

"He brought this upon himself. He e-mailed the wrong person," Melissa said.

It would have been a lot simpler to at least pretend the customer might be right.